The Sanctity of Sex

Mention the word "Sex" and you are bound to get a stereotypical reaction by way of an understanding smirk, glitter in the eye, sigh, and perhaps at the cellular level even a hormonal reaction. With some people their heart rate increases and their eyes dilate.

Our sexuality is a powerful current of energy. Left unchecked, it can create havoc in our lives, bringing on unwanted pregnancies, disease, and self-loathing. Once understood in a greater context, however, it can be one of the most sublime experiences of our existence, some would argue the Apex of our Existence, which I tend to concur on. 

I was brought up in a liberal home before I joined the Church. I had stacks of Playboy books under the stereo in my bedroom, and in my late teens I was frequenting burlesque theaters. During my adult life many times I lived a less than chaste life. I have been on the other side of the fence and can relate. Becoming a Latter-Day Saint at age 17 and making a total 180 was not easy. Those were the cards I was given and I make no excuses. The irony is that I served part of my mission in Southern France, during which period I was instrumental in converting a Jewish man. Yes, I spent six months in the French Riviera, in the city of Antibes.  We saw many naked women in Southern France. Within those six months, my companion and I managed to tract every street and witnessed out of this world, Twilight Zone events, that confirmed to us the reality of Satan and of a spiritual world.

If we were to leave God out of the equation for a moment, as most people have done, sexuality is reduced to an animal instinct. It is nothing more or less than an impulse, a craving for self-gratification just as valid as eating an ice-cream cone satiate one's taste buds. On a more altruistic level, sex is considered a natural expression of love which consenting people can engage in, derive happiness from, and even achieve enlightenment without the associated feelings of guilt imposed by religion. This is the message we are being sold.

Speaking as one who has been on both sides of the fence, I can categorically say that this message is a pack of lies.

Let's introduce God in the equation. For Latter-Day Saints, God is a glorified being with a body of flesh and bones, not a disembodied spirit or a field of energy permeating the universe, although we concede that he is omniscient and omnipotent. There is much which we do not know about the realm God resides in, or about the multidimensionality of space and time. We believe that we were created in the image of the Gods, as it's stated in Genesis (Genesis 1:26). The body is a vessel for our spirit, and through the experiences of the body we gain a better understanding of good and evil, in short, of opposite values.  We often refer to the body as a Temple, because of its sacred purpose. This leads us to a discussion about why we don't drink or smoke, which is better left for another post.

Our spirit and our body united constitute our soul. One of the purposes of our body is to bring other souls into the world. Therefore, the sexual act is for us considered a sacred act, because in essence it unfolds God's purposes, which depend on souls leaving the pre-existence and coming to earth to inhabit a body which will give them the necessary experiences they need to progress. Therefore, something designed in the image of God, which houses our spirit, and which acts as the catalyst for new life is a sacred vessel. God, in his wisdom, has prescribed that sex should only be enjoyed between a husband and wife. Why? Because God knows that throughout the universe, throughout time, the greatest happiness can only be had when sex is enjoyed within the bonds of matrimony. In fact, this is a commandment which the Church has especially endorsed in a proclamation aptly called "The Family: A Proclamation to the World".

From my own experience I can say only this: God is a loving, wise parent, who wants us to enjoy a happy life, not a distorted life filled with regret. His commandments are the guardrails along the path that help us stay within the bounds that lead to happiness. We cannot break His commandments, we can only break ourselves against them.

Marriage is a three-way covenant. God promises to sanctify and bless the couple as they strive to love each other and cherish God. Sexual intercourse now becomes a sanctifying event, not just a hedonistic outlet for pleasure. It is as if the gates of heaven are opened and two spirits unite in the act of lovemaking to reach a higher ecstasy than they could possibly achieve outside of marriage. They become sanctified and more like God in the process. They become more patient, forgiving, considerate, each seeking the welfare and happiness of the other. Sexual intimacy, in that sense, becomes a sacrament, to be partaken often. As Eric Fromm put in his book the Art of Loving, they become more response-able. They are better able to respond to each other's wants and needs, that is if they include God in their life.

The opposite is often the case when sex is enjoyed outside the bonds of marriage; a different gate opens, and the spirits which join in the couple are anything but holy. The pleasure may be intense but this spike of happiness is short-lived and with illicit sex comes acrimony, bitter feelings, jealousies, bickering, selfishness, insecurity and an inability to tune into the more sublime pleasures of life. It's like being unable to visit the rooftop that gives to majestic vistas. The word SIN, is a good acronym for selfishness, indifference, and numbness.

We are each endowed with free-agency. Our choice is to follow the ways of the world or follow God's ways. True joy and peace can only be had when we follow God's ways. This is know of myself, from my own experience. I am the perfect lab rat. I have left my worldly ways way behind, and frankly when I look back at them they smell like a batch of dirty socks compared to the air I now breathe.

The best evidence is one's countenance: notice the difference between these two pictures? The black and white one is one of me when I was 22 and living an indecent life, and the colored one was taken on Christmas Day just after I had finished giving a discourse at Church on the meaning of Christmas (Dec 25, 2011), after living for years a clean life.

 The Gospel of Jesus Christ is about imbuing us with a spirit of happiness no matter what challenges we face.

Marks of Mormonism

Compared to traditional Christianity which believes in a Heaven and Hell, that salvation can only occur in this life, that we came into existence at birth, and that the Bible is the only sacred text to guide us, Latter-Day Saint Christians have a vastly different perspective.

Pre-Existence

We believe that our birth on earth was preceded by a birth in Heaven where we were created as spirit children of God by God. Hence, we are all literally spirit children of God and at birth nascent within us are the attributes of God, our parent. The implications of a pre-mortal existence are immense. It implies that we existed in the presence of God and of each other for a protracted period of time during which we were able to develop our personalities and talents prior to our mortal birth. It also implies that we each had been endowed with the gift of agency, and our coming to earth was of our choosing. Earth life was to be the next stage of our eternal progression. Progression towards what? The opportunity is for us to progress into the eternities and be as our Heaven Parents. Note, I said "Parents. Once again, this is a departure form traditional Christian teachings. The concept of having Heavenly Parents is a topic for another discussion.

Suffice it to say that a belief in a pre-existence is one of the distinguishing beliefs of Mormons. There are ample scriptural references of this doctrine in the Bible. However, even if there were not any Biblical references, had the doctrine been revealed through modern-day revelation it would have been just as valid. The pivotal doctrine, of course, which marks Mormons as a cult, is the belief in modern day revelation, in a belief that not only other sacred scriptures may still remain buried in various parts of the world, but that God has once again called prophets to direct His work in these latter days.

 Vicarious Salvation

The notion that we can only be saved by confessing Christ and being baptized before we pass on from this life is partly true. Indeed we must have faith in Christ, have our sins remitted, be immersed in water by someone with authority, and accept the Holy Ghost as our guide if we are to enter Heaven. But, what if we were born at the wrong time or the wrong place and never had a chance to even know the name of Jesus Christ, let alone be baptized?

The answer is Biblical and revelatory, meaning it was expounded upon by modern-day prophets. Suffice it to say, that after death the spirits of those who had never heard of Jesus Christ will have an opportunity to learn about Him and His teachings. The scriptures are very clear in describing where the Savior went during the three days His body laid in the tomb (1 Peter 3:18-20). The good news of the restored Gospel is manifold. One of the restored truths is that everyone will have a chance to accept or reject the teachings of God, whether in this life or the next.

As far as the requirement of baptism, this also is available to anyone who was not baptized by someone with authority. It can be done vicariously in modern day Temples. A proxy stands in the place of the deceased person and is baptized by immersion and by someone who holds the Priesthood authority.

Heaven and Hell

The concept, once again is touched upon, in the Bible, but for the most part remained shrouded for centuries until modern-day revelation restored the true meaning and intent of the doctrine.

Latter-Day Saints believe that Heaven consists of three Kingdoms: the Telestial, Terrestrial, and Celestial, which is the highest Kingdom where God abides. Depending on how we have lived our lives here on earth, or more precisely, the type of people we have chosen to become in this life and in the hereafter, we will enter into one of those three Kingdoms. In essence our final judgement will be appropriate and just, because we will enter into a society of souls in which we feel most comfortable in. Interestingly enough, the Telestial Kingdom has been described as more beautiful than anything we can possibly imagine, and yet in this Kingdom go the following:

"These are they who are liars, and sorcerers, and adulterers, and whoremongers, and whosoever loves and makes a lie." (D&C 76:103). 

And so, we see the great disparity between the traditional notion and the restored concept of Heaven.  

These provisions are the mark of a just and fair God, a God who tries to save as many souls as possible after they have been ravaged by the trials of mortality. 

Worthiness

It has been my observation that there are a LOT of LDS who have not confessed their sins and yet still enter the Temple, unworthily.

Of course, there is going to be a cleansing of the earth soon, starting with LDS men and women who have lied to their Bishop or Stake President about their worthiness to enter the Temple.

Hiding our sins is not a good idea. Section 121 of the Doctrine & Covenants speaks to the men about this:

34 Behold, there are many called, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen?


35 Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world, and aspire to the honors of men, that they do not learn this one lesson—


 36 That the rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness.


 37 That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man.


 38 Behold, ere he is aware, he is left unto himself, to kick against the pricks, to persecute the saints, and to fight against God.


 39 We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.


 40 Hence many are called, but few are chosen.

A similar warning could have been issued to LDS women:

Behold there are many called, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen?

Because they seek to hide their sins, and are so wrapped up in materialism and in their own desires and wants, that they have lost the innate power to love, and they do not learn this one lesson: 

That love and purity are the requirements to enter into the bonds of matrimony, and as many times as they will seek love while they are tainted they will not recognize it, or appreciate it if they do find it, for their hearts are not capable of appreciating that which is holly and pure to its fullest.  

Hence many are called to marriage and enter into marriage, but few qualify.

The Ripple Effect of Thoughts

As a follow-up to my last post, here is a perfect example of setting a chain reaction with our thoughts.

Yesterday, I decided to listen to some music on the internet. I like a variety of genres, from opera, classical, trance, to oldies, raggea, etc.....but yesterday, I just wanted something soothing, like an ambient instrumental sound. I came across Sky.fm. The sounds evoked in me a spirit of total acceptance of others, a complete unconditional love, a fearless desire to reach out knowing that not even my enemies could hurt me, for perfect love casts away all fear. It was quite a powerful yet peaceful feeling. It felt so right, so centered, so innate. My mind connected to a higher form of love and I longed to be home again with beings who love like this. I know God is Love, and this is most likely the kind of Love he feels for all of His children, wayward, or good.

What unfolded next was an outreach on my part. I began emailing people I hadn't written for a long time, or people who had slighted me, and asked them "what is new with you?". Nothing more. Within minutes I started receiving replies. One reply came from Erika Erwin, who holds the Guinness World Record for the tallest professional model in the world. She stands at 6' 8" without shoes. We had met in a gym back in 2006. She is also featured on the back cover of my book. She replied with an invitation to a party that evening. She is flying to Toronto next week to start shooting a TV program she will be starring in for the next six months. This is her debut in showbiz. She also goes by Amazon Eve. The party was being held at the Culver City Hotel, a short walk from where I live, and close to Sony Studios. I learned that morning from someone that the little people who played in the Wizard of Oz stayed in it for a whole year. I had also promised her an autographed copy of my book, 93 Things We Learned From Our Last Eleven Marriages.

We were delighted to see each other again.

That's us last night. 

Now comes, the chain reaction. I met her assistant Chantelle at the party. At first, there was no immediate resonance, no sparks were flying. She would be about the same age as my oldest daughter.

In my book, 93 Things, the sine qua non of a solid foundation is getting to know a person by asking questions.  Chantelle asked me a lot of questions, and she listened without interjecting her own stories. She is a single mother of a 2-year old girl, loves opera as I do (I can sing five arias -- self-taught), and she understands the complex dynamics of relationships, the difference between dysfunctional and whole. She is artistic, sensitive, low-key, and clearly a Giver.

Who else was at the party? Well, Erika's CFO, some of her friends, a screenwriter, and her boyfriend.

You should have seen their reaction when they asked me what I would like to drink. I explained that on that particular day I had already started a "fast" for the next 24 hours, and that meant no liquids or food.  Chantelle was the first to enquire: and what path are you on? My reply: I am a Latter-Day Saint, also known as a Mormon.

Here is the rest of the gang. We have a saying in our Church: be in the world, but not part of the world.  In other words, distinguish yourself by your actions.  I think this picture captures the essence of this:

The Church is more of a hospital than a retirement home. I've said this before. As members of the Church we are encouraged to bring others to Christ, who will heal them of their afflictions.  How can a doctor be of any value if he is not willing to go where he is needed most?

Meeting Chantelle was an exceptional experience.

And this is what desiring to listen to soothing music produced today.

Earlier that day, I had attended a church beach pic-nic. I met a gentleman who had been in 10 car accidents, all of them rear-end collisions.  He's had ten bones broken in his body, some several times. He thinks he has an invisible bull's-eye on the back of his car.

We joked about it.

I told him that in our pre-existence we each had opted for various trials to test us, and as he went down his checklist, he had opted for car accidents. I, on the other hand, skipped wars, car accidents, famines, and opted for five marriages.

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Our Life Before Earth

The thoughts we act upon set in motion a chain reaction of events. Thoughts turn to deeds and deeds to habits, and habits to character, and character to destiny.

To enter through one door is to not enter a thousand other doors.

If our life is a series of events preceded by thoughts, and if some thoughts come to us for a reason, then our life has purpose.

One of the tenets of Latter Day Saints is that we had lived with God in spirit form before coming to this earth to take on a body. Let's think of the implications.

That would be mean that a lot of us knew each other in this pre-existant state. It means that we had developed close ties with many people. This kindred-spirit phenomenon happens all the time. Have you ever met someone for the first time, and felt like you had known them forever?

It also implies that we had foreknowledge of the next phase of our progression, that of coming to earth and inhabiting a body. We would have known of the trials earth life represented, of the bliss and misery that we would face. Yet, we chose to come. To come and do what?

To be tested.

Why tested? It is through these tests that we develop our character, and our destiny. In trials we can chose to become a variety of people. We have options. What measure of compassion have we shown for example if we have only been compassionate towards those who have been kind to us?

How easily are we able to forgive in the face of injustice? Is our strength measured by our ability to destroy, or by our ability to create and sustain life when we are being destroyed?

If there was a demarcation point, a line that separates people into groups, it would have to be the line of forgiveness. On the one side, we have those who exact retribution and pain when pain is inflicted on them, and on the other side we have those who have mastered forgiveness no matter what hardship they endure.

Christianity, and by implication Mormonism, falls squarely inside the forgiveness camp. This has been the hallmark of Latter Day Saints, a group known for the persecution they endured in the 19th century.  Other groups would still be seething with anger demanding retribution, reparations, apologies, and special privileges. Mormons don't.

And so, to be a Mormon, is to want to develop the powerful attribute of forgiveness. It begins as a desire embedded in a thought.

My other Blogs:

EMPOWER YOURSELF FOR LIFE

MORMON STANDARD

OVER 50 VIRILITY

GOD A QUESTION

A VENTURE CAPITALIST'S LIFE

A 4x4 Mormon.

Before we begin discussing any aspects of Mormonism, let's get a clear perspective about the author, who I am.

1. I was not always a Mormon. I was raised a Catholic and converted at the age of 17, in 1971. It took me one month of lessons with the missionaries. I found out for myself this was the Only True Church, the restored Church of Jesus Christ, by reading the Book of Mormon and then fasting and praying to know if this book was true and if Joseph Smith was a true Prophet. The answer was clear, distinct, and powerful. It was as though I was enveloped from head to toe in peace and joy. [This is the ONLY way you can know for yourself if the Church is true. You can read all the blogs and books in the world, but until you read the Book of Mormon and ask God if it is true, you will never know].

2. Eighteen months after my conversion, I passed a promising bodybuilding career to serve a voluntary 2 year mission in France and Switzerland. No one forced me to go. I only helped one person convert: a Jewish man by the name of Robert Cohen - and that happened during the last two weeks of my mission, and he joined after my return home.

3. I have not served in Vietnam, but I have been divorced five times. I have never cheated or had any substance abuse issues in my life. I have learned that Forgiveness is the secret to a happy life.  I hold no grudges towards anyone.

4. Much of what I shun today was openly available to me growing up. I was exposed to R-rated movies and by age 16 I was into Playboy books and strip clubs.  In my adult life, several times I struggled with pornography. Today, the sight of anything pornographic causes a kind of physical/emotional knee-jerk revulsion in me.

5. I owe everything that I am to Jesus Christ, my Savior and Redeemer. His Doctrine, if lived, is more potent than any psychological, social, philosophical panacea.

6. I consider myself first and foremost a Christian who happens to belong to the restored Church of Jesus Christ - in these latter days called The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints - and will stand shoulder to shoulder with any other Christian, Jew, or Muslim who believes in tolerance and diversity.

7. In 1997 I was excommunicated for co-habitation while separated. I rejoined in 2000.

7. I have only good things to say about the Mormon Church. If you expect me to rant about how I was slighted, misjudged, offended, discriminated, abandoned, rejected, misunderstood, vilified or insulted, you are reading the wrong blog. Let's put it this way: my faith has been tested.

8. I know the Church is not made up of "Perfect" people. The Gospel is Perfect, the people are not, at all levels. People can test and fray your faith. The Gospel can build it.

9. The Church is more of a hospital than a retreat.

10. I have a logical mind. I play ten minute chess, am a former stockbroker, understand marketing, finance, theology and geopolitics. I am also a student of philosophy. You can read my blog G is for God for more information on my philosophical views.

11. I don't need to see God. I am content having faith in Him. I have learned how to discern His promptings. The best proof that He exists are the impressions and promptings I receive, thoughts I could never have thought by myself.

12. I also know Satan exists. I do not want to see Him. I have felt his influence and power in my mission, and after my mission.

13. I am a physically active person. I enjoy riding my bike and weight training, which I find to be the best anti-aging recipe. I thank Jack La Lane for getting me started at age 12.

14. I consider myself a gentle person who loves little children, animals, flowers, various styles of music (including opera). By the same token, when I am advocating a position I may come across as an out-of-control steam-roller going downhill. Nothing can stand in my way.

15. I have lived in 9 countries and speak 4 languages. I have seen two military conflicts growing up. I have been rich and poor. I have live in palatial condo high rise and been homeless.

16. Finally, I had a near death experience in 2006, and know without any shadow of a doubt that Jesus Christ lives and that he paid the price for all my sins.

So, if you are looking for a Mormon who is a two dimension cut-out with a pristine past, you'll have to look somewhere else. They are out there, and I admire them. I am a roughed-up 4x4 all-terrain truck that has experienced pretty well every major disappointment you can imagine. Faith not tested is not faith, but a viewpoint. This is why I portray the vastness of  desert as a metaphor of our life's journey. Crossing the desert requires a robust 4x4 vehicle.


Paul Adams

 December 25, 2011 - age 58